Our Big Girl's First Ho'ike

We are so happy to have Nursery Garden as a part of our families lives. Nursery Garden is founded and taught by "Aunty Jacque". She has ducks, chickens, a huge yard and uses mostly natural substance products in the classroom. Did I mention most of class is done outside? Jacque mainly focuses on art, science and nature with the children. Since moving here we knew she was needing some time with others her age. We were recommended several times about a wonderful small home preschool literally 2 roads down from us. We have met most of the other families (we see them two times a day two days a week) which has been great for the girls and I. She has been going for less than two months and she already adores her teacher and her teacher's family. We couldn't be happier!

                                                     All the students together on Friday

 

Making clay art with Aunty Erin

 

                                                           Inside her classroom

 

Outside classroom

 

Mahalo Aunty Jacque!

Heavy or Light

I try my best not to make this my diary or a whine fest but here I go breaking my own stupid rules.

Are you heavy or light when it comes to how much you share? Are you the type to share only a little or are you the type to over share. Both of these can be for safety or for insecurity reasons. A good test to see how "deep" you are is by how easy it is for you to relate to others.  We can do this by openly displaying our flaws with others. We all have them, we all think about them but that doesn't mean we need to scream them from the rooftops. It also doesn't mean we shove them under the rug.

Being able to relate to others and use that to bond is a huge relational glue. It is why we connect with people, call them when we are in need or when we want to go out. I can appreciate someone being honest with where they are in their current state rather than a glossy facade.

 Do you share heavy or do you share lightly, and why? What allows us to feel more comfortable with others, does it even begin with them? Or does it begin with us? Be honest, be real, be more than just a surface. Choose to except yourself at exactly where you are now. Do not allow anything to tell you to portray you are five steps ahead.

Be in the present.


"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."
- Maya Angelou

A Mouth like a Sailor

For several years now I have worked on my potty mouth. When Richard and I were still dating I remember sitting in his car and ranting about something when he looked over and said " You sure have a mouth like a sailor sometimes." I have never been proud of my choice of words when I get upset nor has it ever been flattering on me. And to those of my swear-lovin friends out there you might be saying "What, you? No you don't swear at all!" But to those of you who have lips like angels you have probably heard those not so kind words stings your pretty ears.

And most of the time I categorize my words and medium level cussing.  Not a big deal, just the occasional "Dammit, pissed, what the hell"... like I said medium level stuff. Keep in mind in all the years I have been around Richard I can count the number of medium level words he's said on my hands and toes. I love and live with a very patient man. But on occasion if I'm feeling particularly intolerable I like to just make physical threats of what could do with my hulk like strength. For example:

 Me: " Okay, I've had enough of stepping on all these Lincoln Logs! Pick these up in 3, NO 2 minutes or I'm..."

Son: (In exasperation) " Or you'll throw them in a bag to give away right?"

Me: Shocked that he somehow knows what I was going to say "Oh..okay, yes! So, since you already know this PLEASE clean up then!"

(all of 15 seconds later)

Me: "Richard! Why does it only bother me that our hallway in not usable? Do you know see these Lincoln Logs all over? Or did you lose your eyes sight somewhere from the bathroom to where you are currently standing?"

I really don't know why I have such a problem toning down my Popeye-esc attitude. You might say it's because I was raised by somewhat of a tough guy who didn't mind cussing in front of his daughters or just because I am incredibly articulate and comfortable expressing my feelings. But what I do know is that hearing Our Son ask me last night at the dining room table, "If Dad doesn't hurry up, you're going to be pissed at him huh?" was mortifying.

I was given the opportunity to explain how me using bad words is not only lazy but also makes a person seem mean and dumb. When I explained pissed means you pee'd on something he could not stop laughing at why I would pee on his dad for taking a long time at the grocery store. I couldn't make sense of it either, I needed a sweet innocent six year old perspective to put me right in my place. I am humbled everyday by how many times God shows me how hard it is to be an awesome example of a parent is and how many times I get to try again. I'm going to go now so I can write Richard an apology note.

I was just told to be clear that he (Richard) is not Olive Oil just because I am Popeye in this post. So, just to be clear I am not married to a wimpy guy who needs my help, I simply have a cussing problem and he does not hence the reference to a well known sailor.

Are your ovaries telling on you?

I could start off by saying something prophetic but I don't really feel like inspiring you. I'd rather empower you by freaking you out. Nine years ago I had my first encounter with the birth control pill Yasmin. I went from having a hormonally enhanced cup size from my diet of cow dairy and red meats to an even more hormonally enhanced chest from The Pill. Within two weeks I went up a cup size. I was now a full C cup. My mom and her friends thought it was oddest thing. I thought it was great. I was only on it for 2 months and stopped taking it. The next time I would be on The Pill was the day I left the hospital with my son. Yasmin again only this time no change in cup size, only migraines, loss of a period and weight loss.

For six months I allowed my body to recover naturally and quickly gained weighed back and recovered my cycle. I was given a book by my friend Valerie, Taking Charge Of Your Fertility. It is known as the Bible Of Fertility, it's thick enough to be one! I learned about educating myself on how simple it is to learn when you are ovulating. By simply tracking your temperature each morning and examining your body you're able to hear what your body is saying.  I delivered our daughter eleven months later. When Ava was just five months I took a progestogen only pill for a month and stopped again. The day I left the hospital after giving birth to our youngest daughter I was given the Depo-Provera shot that lasts 12 weeks.

We looked into a vasectomy and came across staggering numbers of men with high rates of testicular cancer and prostate cancer after receiving the vasectomy. The male body is designed to release the sperm out. Once those tubes are burned or cut from the vasectomy, sperm then can only reside in the male's body. His body views it as foreign matter and essentially attacks itself. The rates are even higher the younger men who have the surgery. Weeks went by and I decided I was ready for a non hormonal Paragard iud device. The midwife was being supervised by my midwife and it was pushed through my cervical wall. Within 72 hours of it being put in I had to have emergency surgery. But wildly enough in March of this year I went in to have it put in again by an OB.

Exactly one month after I had the Paraguard I had a severe eye abrasions in the middle of the night. I woke up in extreme pain and within two days wasn't able to see. This series of events followed about every two weeks mainly in my left eye. We all believed it was my stress, the move, anything but my birth control. I struggled with this for five months, not being able to see. I would sit in bed for hours sometimes days, not able to be in a lit room. It was a horrible experience. Richard came across a medical blog of women complaining of severe eye problems and connected it to the Mirena and the Paraguard iuds. I am happy to report I had the iud removed just over three weeks ago. I am healing, God is who he says he is and I am being healed.

Recently some of my closest friends have shared their inability to have regular periods, needing In vitro fertilisation to sustain pregnancy, unstoppable bleeding, multiple cysts on their ovaries and uterus, and miscarriages. These are all women I know in their twenties and thirties, this should not be so common! My good friend Laura also posted an amazing article on our bodies natural detox through breast feeding. detox now! We recently were watching vanishingbees on netflix where they were discussing how pesticides being ingested typically effect the next generation. Are our mother decisions with their choice of birth control and pesticide ingestion effecting our abilities to conceive? More importantly what choices are we making with our non organic foods, smog intake, and medical absorption effecting our little ones before we even see their faces.

These are confessions of a serial birth control user. The safest methods I'd recommend for a long and healthy life for you and your partner are the following.

1. Monogamy (self explanatory to some but having a unified and safe relationship with only one person)

2.  Charting your cycle with www.tcoyf.com

3.   They are effective, they are vegan, they are glyde-condoms

10 weeks strong

                                         

                              "Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments."

It is true, women should do what they feel best for their lives and bodies. I am a huge supporter of empowering young women and men and their abilities to empower themselves through knowledge. My question is where is that crossed from fetus to child. When does society consider a person a person? If you ask most mothers how they view the life of an unborn child they would confirm it is a gift. But when asking a person who might be young, single or simply unprepared carrying for another life they would view an unborn as a fetus.

Months ago a group of people were discussing the rights of American citizens. The conversation focused primarily on the rights of the minorities and the impacts of the supreme court makes of protecting minorities rights. Also how majority citizens should never have the final say over laws. The Supreme Court can overrule state laws if they don't comply with the United States Constitution. This is crucial to our democracy and how we separate from any extreme political groups.


Primarily focusing on the topic of abortion rights to women is not where I am going here. It is more of what we as people classify life, a person, pregnancy. I can speak personally on this topic through my experience with my first pregnancy. When I was seventeen I was unknowingly pregnant. I had a cycle, took two home pregnancy tests, and by the third test I found out I was seven weeks along. At this point my boyfriend was moving into his college dorm, I was applying to colleges around the country and was a little over a month away from my eighteenth birthday.

I did not want to be pregnant. I could not be pregnant, I had more important plans than to be someone's mother. I told Richard my irrational myths that I chose to be facts in my mind and made an appointment at an abortion clinic. On a summer morning he somberly drove me in silence. I remember seeing him trying to make eye contact but I couldn't look at him. I was too ashamed of my choice to go and to prideful to admit my cowardly decision. So we drove. I remember walking up and the guard with a gun greeting us with a smile, I naturally smiled back then quickly went back to my stone like demeanor. There was no turning back, I had already aborted the fetus in my mind.

Next thing I knew they had no appointment scheduled, none of my information, as if I was in the complete wrong place. Everything was dazed, I frantically left with Richard quickly behind me. It was like I got hit with the loudest most obvious answer but I was still not wanting to face it. I straight up sobbed in the car because I knew that I wasn't just pregnant-I was carrying a child-our child. It took some time to have the nerve to tell our family but after that day I accepted I was acting out of fear and not out of fact.

I have had many women in my life suffer through the loss of a child. Through abortions, miscarriages, inability to conceive, car accidents. It always brings me back to that saying "You should never outlive your children." When will we as society see life for what it simply is. Life is Life. Losing life never comes easy and takes a lifetime of healing.

Today I celebrate a life of a precious Baby W, boy or girl who was around 10 weeks when they passed away. To the family of this child we celebrate your baby's life, how beautiful they will always be. We will never forget you!

Nine years young

Richard has been in my life for nine years. The first year we walked among the halls of our high school with 200 some odd peers and staff. Both of us too wrapped up in our own lives to even take time to have a conversation with one another. We both knew who we were, had mutual friends and with grades the size of fifty students or less you are bound to walk the same halls along side each other. I remember the first time someone had pointed him out to me. I was a sophomore, sixteen, in the math hall, talking to Lauren and Brittany about the "new boys." He was a grade older and as he passed by and gave us a smirk, here was my thought " That guy's a punk and I have no interest in competing for his attention with these girls." I was also in a relationship with a guy in college so it really didn't matter how attractive he was I was still going to assume I was much cooler dating an older guy.

A new school year started and I was single... yes that helped things. I was casually dating, really involved in my theater group, concert hopping and much too tan for the month of October. My friend Mary and I started going to a Friday morning youth group for christian athletes. Richard happened to be in this as well. Every week myself and around ten other students would role in half awake to hang out with Coach. We had plenty of opportunities to learn more about each other and therefore I learned a lot. If you don't know Richard personally it will probably help to know several encounters to retain information for Richard are like seconds to you and I. He naturally doesn't retain information well, such as peoples names-significant details of their lives-how he knows them. So I had my work cut out for me. He would just breeze in and breeze out, I was intrigued.

Eventually after many tips from his friend Michael, now one of our closest friends (Uncle Michael), we broke through the conversational barriers and started dating. I was able to drop facts about myself so Richard didn't have to ask, I would invite him to everything and he'd show up for most of it. Within a year we were expecting our son and newly married. Three children later I still study him. He still intrigues me but now he shows up to everything I ask him to. Sometimes a little reluctantly but he never fails me when I ask him for something. Our family sees us as each others yin and yang. Our children see him as their quiet comforter. Richard keeps growing in his appreciation of love and self growth. I can't wait to see what year twenty six brings. Happy Birthday Richard!

Easy on the eyes

This week I have been browsing some of my favorite interior design blogs and magazines. I am true as true can be about my consistency to my decorating style. I love simplistic yet textured accents of white with a vast variety of woods. As a child my favorite color was black and then it went to white. Much like my view of how things should be...odd. Richard says I'm not allowed to have a white sofa until the little Lees don't mess it up. Sooo basically never, fantastic! Despite that disappointing news here are some of my " Wow, what if I could do that?" rooms. So here we go....

 

What a way to greet your guests with bringing indoor elements outdoors with the drapes and chandelier. Again bringing outdoor elements in. Isn't this hydrangea centerpiece insanely gorgeous?

 

Are those cozy white love seats I see, yes please! 

 

In one of my childhood homes we had beams like this in our living room. It has all the natural light as well as the open shelves in the kitchen rather than cabinets. Which allows the room to feel completely inviting to roam.

 

Remove the stones from the chandelier and that checkered blanket and I'm moving in!

 

Can't hide a crumb in this clean lined kitchen. I have that basket in the mud room! Haha!

 

Hi, your'e my favorite Euro Style room. Thanks for being delightfully Euro.

 

So I'm partial to the antique mantel and claw tub. But with a view like this how can you resist a bath in the modern style bathroom.

 

Aww, so darling. I think I'll make you! How do you feel about chicken wire adorable jewelry frame?

I'm also going to start this fun concept I'm calling: "This, That & What" Where I'll be posting my favorite finds in those categories. Let me know if you think of any cool finds you've seen!