Anytime God is moving in my life and I come to a shift there is always pressure. Always, even when it's subtle. I am truly feeling this pressure lately. Being the person I am and appreciative of how God made me I still find ways to deflect the pressure I know to be headed my way. I say "It's just a bump in the road."Why do I do this for almost 25 years now? Because of my nature, a way of protecting myself, I still have yet to figure out my reasons for handling my consistent patterns the way I do but I am at peace God is showing me in time.
We are currently 2 months and counting from getting on a plane and leaving the only life in the only city I've ever known. I said I was ready for this??? When and why? In all truth it can be a very unsettling feeling knowing Richard and I are taking a leap of faith in this move. Not entirely being the wife I want to be before such a paradime shift in our family, not being entirely financially stable the way we wanted to be, not knowing what is to come for our lives in Oahu.
BUT, and this but is a big one.... BUT, we are at peace that we will never be " ready" for life the way the world tells us to be. We will never be at complete peace with our home before the baby comes, we will never be at complete peace with the way we look before our wedding, we will never be at complete peace with moving to the unknown. And I am okay with that because my Savor has taken the burden of my fear and asked me to leave it there. Not to pick up that load I could never carry on my own again.
Yet I will surely pick it up, knowing how I am wired and knowing my struggles I am bound to think I can handle it again only to be greeted with open arms that He is still waiting for me to just let Him pick it up for me again when I get tired. We can try and be prepared for life, and should be responsible with our decisions but knowing God is in control even when I am feeling the pressure stack against me gives me peace.
2 comments:
You are so smart! It
Is soooooo hard to stop and actually listen to what God wants from us! But when we actually do stop listen and follow life is sooo much easier, and that is how I know you guys will be just fine on your move and just fine throughout your life!! He will never give you an obstacle that you can not handle!
Ive been trying to figure out how to email you since you posted on my blog :)
I'm praying for you and your family - what an adventure ahead, yet, SO normal for you to be experiencing the reality of it all as well - I feel I'm in somewhat of a similar spot now (loving the amazing miracle of becoming a mother yet so overwhelmed by the reality and the struggle of it as well).
Excited for you and expectant of how this will cause utter dependence on the Lord - which i know is the ultimate desire of your heart. PRaying for you!
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