Are your ovaries telling on you?

I could start off by saying something prophetic but I don't really feel like inspiring you. I'd rather empower you by freaking you out. Nine years ago I had my first encounter with the birth control pill Yasmin. I went from having a hormonally enhanced cup size from my diet of cow dairy and red meats to an even more hormonally enhanced chest from The Pill. Within two weeks I went up a cup size. I was now a full C cup. My mom and her friends thought it was oddest thing. I thought it was great. I was only on it for 2 months and stopped taking it. The next time I would be on The Pill was the day I left the hospital with my son. Yasmin again only this time no change in cup size, only migraines, loss of a period and weight loss.

For six months I allowed my body to recover naturally and quickly gained weighed back and recovered my cycle. I was given a book by my friend Valerie, Taking Charge Of Your Fertility. It is known as the Bible Of Fertility, it's thick enough to be one! I learned about educating myself on how simple it is to learn when you are ovulating. By simply tracking your temperature each morning and examining your body you're able to hear what your body is saying.  I delivered our daughter eleven months later. When Ava was just five months I took a progestogen only pill for a month and stopped again. The day I left the hospital after giving birth to our youngest daughter I was given the Depo-Provera shot that lasts 12 weeks.

We looked into a vasectomy and came across staggering numbers of men with high rates of testicular cancer and prostate cancer after receiving the vasectomy. The male body is designed to release the sperm out. Once those tubes are burned or cut from the vasectomy, sperm then can only reside in the male's body. His body views it as foreign matter and essentially attacks itself. The rates are even higher the younger men who have the surgery. Weeks went by and I decided I was ready for a non hormonal Paragard iud device. The midwife was being supervised by my midwife and it was pushed through my cervical wall. Within 72 hours of it being put in I had to have emergency surgery. But wildly enough in March of this year I went in to have it put in again by an OB.

Exactly one month after I had the Paraguard I had a severe eye abrasions in the middle of the night. I woke up in extreme pain and within two days wasn't able to see. This series of events followed about every two weeks mainly in my left eye. We all believed it was my stress, the move, anything but my birth control. I struggled with this for five months, not being able to see. I would sit in bed for hours sometimes days, not able to be in a lit room. It was a horrible experience. Richard came across a medical blog of women complaining of severe eye problems and connected it to the Mirena and the Paraguard iuds. I am happy to report I had the iud removed just over three weeks ago. I am healing, God is who he says he is and I am being healed.

Recently some of my closest friends have shared their inability to have regular periods, needing In vitro fertilisation to sustain pregnancy, unstoppable bleeding, multiple cysts on their ovaries and uterus, and miscarriages. These are all women I know in their twenties and thirties, this should not be so common! My good friend Laura also posted an amazing article on our bodies natural detox through breast feeding. detox now! We recently were watching vanishingbees on netflix where they were discussing how pesticides being ingested typically effect the next generation. Are our mother decisions with their choice of birth control and pesticide ingestion effecting our abilities to conceive? More importantly what choices are we making with our non organic foods, smog intake, and medical absorption effecting our little ones before we even see their faces.

These are confessions of a serial birth control user. The safest methods I'd recommend for a long and healthy life for you and your partner are the following.

1. Monogamy (self explanatory to some but having a unified and safe relationship with only one person)

2.  Charting your cycle with www.tcoyf.com

3.   They are effective, they are vegan, they are glyde-condoms

10 weeks strong

                                         

                              "Life is not a matter of milestones but of moments."

It is true, women should do what they feel best for their lives and bodies. I am a huge supporter of empowering young women and men and their abilities to empower themselves through knowledge. My question is where is that crossed from fetus to child. When does society consider a person a person? If you ask most mothers how they view the life of an unborn child they would confirm it is a gift. But when asking a person who might be young, single or simply unprepared carrying for another life they would view an unborn as a fetus.

Months ago a group of people were discussing the rights of American citizens. The conversation focused primarily on the rights of the minorities and the impacts of the supreme court makes of protecting minorities rights. Also how majority citizens should never have the final say over laws. The Supreme Court can overrule state laws if they don't comply with the United States Constitution. This is crucial to our democracy and how we separate from any extreme political groups.


Primarily focusing on the topic of abortion rights to women is not where I am going here. It is more of what we as people classify life, a person, pregnancy. I can speak personally on this topic through my experience with my first pregnancy. When I was seventeen I was unknowingly pregnant. I had a cycle, took two home pregnancy tests, and by the third test I found out I was seven weeks along. At this point my boyfriend was moving into his college dorm, I was applying to colleges around the country and was a little over a month away from my eighteenth birthday.

I did not want to be pregnant. I could not be pregnant, I had more important plans than to be someone's mother. I told Richard my irrational myths that I chose to be facts in my mind and made an appointment at an abortion clinic. On a summer morning he somberly drove me in silence. I remember seeing him trying to make eye contact but I couldn't look at him. I was too ashamed of my choice to go and to prideful to admit my cowardly decision. So we drove. I remember walking up and the guard with a gun greeting us with a smile, I naturally smiled back then quickly went back to my stone like demeanor. There was no turning back, I had already aborted the fetus in my mind.

Next thing I knew they had no appointment scheduled, none of my information, as if I was in the complete wrong place. Everything was dazed, I frantically left with Richard quickly behind me. It was like I got hit with the loudest most obvious answer but I was still not wanting to face it. I straight up sobbed in the car because I knew that I wasn't just pregnant-I was carrying a child-our child. It took some time to have the nerve to tell our family but after that day I accepted I was acting out of fear and not out of fact.

I have had many women in my life suffer through the loss of a child. Through abortions, miscarriages, inability to conceive, car accidents. It always brings me back to that saying "You should never outlive your children." When will we as society see life for what it simply is. Life is Life. Losing life never comes easy and takes a lifetime of healing.

Today I celebrate a life of a precious Baby W, boy or girl who was around 10 weeks when they passed away. To the family of this child we celebrate your baby's life, how beautiful they will always be. We will never forget you!

Nine years young

Richard has been in my life for nine years. The first year we walked among the halls of our high school with 200 some odd peers and staff. Both of us too wrapped up in our own lives to even take time to have a conversation with one another. We both knew who we were, had mutual friends and with grades the size of fifty students or less you are bound to walk the same halls along side each other. I remember the first time someone had pointed him out to me. I was a sophomore, sixteen, in the math hall, talking to Lauren and Brittany about the "new boys." He was a grade older and as he passed by and gave us a smirk, here was my thought " That guy's a punk and I have no interest in competing for his attention with these girls." I was also in a relationship with a guy in college so it really didn't matter how attractive he was I was still going to assume I was much cooler dating an older guy.

A new school year started and I was single... yes that helped things. I was casually dating, really involved in my theater group, concert hopping and much too tan for the month of October. My friend Mary and I started going to a Friday morning youth group for christian athletes. Richard happened to be in this as well. Every week myself and around ten other students would role in half awake to hang out with Coach. We had plenty of opportunities to learn more about each other and therefore I learned a lot. If you don't know Richard personally it will probably help to know several encounters to retain information for Richard are like seconds to you and I. He naturally doesn't retain information well, such as peoples names-significant details of their lives-how he knows them. So I had my work cut out for me. He would just breeze in and breeze out, I was intrigued.

Eventually after many tips from his friend Michael, now one of our closest friends (Uncle Michael), we broke through the conversational barriers and started dating. I was able to drop facts about myself so Richard didn't have to ask, I would invite him to everything and he'd show up for most of it. Within a year we were expecting our son and newly married. Three children later I still study him. He still intrigues me but now he shows up to everything I ask him to. Sometimes a little reluctantly but he never fails me when I ask him for something. Our family sees us as each others yin and yang. Our children see him as their quiet comforter. Richard keeps growing in his appreciation of love and self growth. I can't wait to see what year twenty six brings. Happy Birthday Richard!

Easy on the eyes

This week I have been browsing some of my favorite interior design blogs and magazines. I am true as true can be about my consistency to my decorating style. I love simplistic yet textured accents of white with a vast variety of woods. As a child my favorite color was black and then it went to white. Much like my view of how things should be...odd. Richard says I'm not allowed to have a white sofa until the little Lees don't mess it up. Sooo basically never, fantastic! Despite that disappointing news here are some of my " Wow, what if I could do that?" rooms. So here we go....

 

What a way to greet your guests with bringing indoor elements outdoors with the drapes and chandelier. Again bringing outdoor elements in. Isn't this hydrangea centerpiece insanely gorgeous?

 

Are those cozy white love seats I see, yes please! 

 

In one of my childhood homes we had beams like this in our living room. It has all the natural light as well as the open shelves in the kitchen rather than cabinets. Which allows the room to feel completely inviting to roam.

 

Remove the stones from the chandelier and that checkered blanket and I'm moving in!

 

Can't hide a crumb in this clean lined kitchen. I have that basket in the mud room! Haha!

 

Hi, your'e my favorite Euro Style room. Thanks for being delightfully Euro.

 

So I'm partial to the antique mantel and claw tub. But with a view like this how can you resist a bath in the modern style bathroom.

 

Aww, so darling. I think I'll make you! How do you feel about chicken wire adorable jewelry frame?

I'm also going to start this fun concept I'm calling: "This, That & What" Where I'll be posting my favorite finds in those categories. Let me know if you think of any cool finds you've seen!

His Mom

"All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. "
Pablo Picasso     

I have had the pleasure of being called "His Mom" for seven years (including pregnancy).  If you have little ones who aren't speaking yet you can imagine when your child has their friends over and they say "Umm, So&so's Mom, will you help me with my shoes?" The amazing thing is you become surprised when you actually hear your name called at a kid event. 

It's rare that we give children the same admired attention we give well known authors, actors or musicians. But why not? Who's to say those little hands won't do good works for our world and why not treat them in that matter. I decided a long time ago that too soon in life children get told they are not good enough. I wanted to offer a home where they knew they were valuable to us. They were unique and important. But let me be clear we do not lie to our children to benefit them. We try not to lie to our children even white lies. Therefore our son knew at the age of four that Santa was not real and not to tell his friends, that he wouldn't get in half as much trouble for what he did if he was honest about it and how babies do not come out of a mommy's belly unless she needed a c-section.

We encourage him to ask us EVERYTHING but at home or in private. These are what we call "Family Rules." We have explained that every family has them whether they call them that or not. Recently we were at his school and around several families when he stood up and began to announce "Look Mom, we will all go back to this when we die. This is what we are when we die." As he swished dirt between his hands. We also had a conversation about how educating his sisters on tsunamis was not appropriate beach talk (especially because most of Hawaii tourists are Japanese). Were these conversations hard? Are you kidding! Richard and I came from families where we had a one time, "Hope you get all this but make sure not to ask questions" sex talk. Where Santa was used to decorate more than Jesus for Christmas. It was absolutely worth it to see him understand and us be amazed and a bit blushed at times that he could understand.

Children get it, maybe not all of it the first time or even the tenth but they do add to their mental capacity each time you invest in teaching them. I had one of our epic routine doctors appointments where I had to entertain three kids for about an hour WHILE SITTING QUIETLY. The snacks were out, everyone got a sleeve of tattoos (with ink pens of course) then the girls fell asleep. Earlier that day I wondered how many hours I had spent with my son. Well I did the math and out of 26,??? something over the course of six and a half years he has been with me for 23,4??.? That's right he has had less than 4,000 awake hours away from me. I came home showed Richard my scratch paper and his comment was "And that's just with him."

  This child's confidence is something you can't shake, not even us. He is strong willed, deep in emotions, full of energy, constantly creating, burning with exploring eyes and a bold voice. Yet if he doesn't feel like talking he simply won't. He's either a 1 or a 10 and what you'd call a doer. We will never have to worry about him finding something to do, just keeping his attention can be a problem. I spend time with him and I learn from him. We have to tell him to go to bed after hours of drawing in costume or in the nude. Yes it's one or the other. We are so thankful for our son to be our son and I am thankful for him to grow to be a man who will do such good in this world.

Just another evening

 We spend most of our afternoons outside until sunset. And this is how it normally goes down... Richard does yard work, the girls bike ride or pick flowers and The Boy explores and climbs his "climbing tree". Oh, and I observe. For all you pregnant friends of mine, here's a glimpse of your future. Just to give you a heads up the mood subtly changes just after Little's laughter shot. Enjoy!

                                

A Wonderful Woman

Here is a woman seen above named Deena. She is one of the easiest people to talk to, shop with, engage in conversation with, laugh with and love. She is one of those people you always want to hold close because of how much beauty concentrates around her. When you are around her you are bound to get some of her radiance to rub off. We have been friends for three years and sharing our lives and raising our kids together. Yet I feel like I known her for much longer. 

The week before we left Atlanta she took me out on a girls evening for dinner and dessert. It was  delicious and at the end of the night she surprised me with this beautiful necklace(she has great taste, that's why we love to shop together). This was sentimental but also humorous because she text' me several weeks prior in the middle of the night. She was asking me all sorts of personal questions like each of the kids birthdays and our anniversary. I joked that she better not be getting a drunken tattoo of me. It ended up having a main endless circle with the kids names on it as well as 3 unique charms with different dates and initials. It was so special and I wear it weekly. I'm going to put the link up soon of her friends company who made them for me. Always love supporting another women's owned business and I'm glad it ended up not being the tattoo! 

All things good and inspiring

I started off my week having a wonderfully entertaining Clothing Swap. I was able to meet a number of new gals and got to see them all in the skivvies. Needless to say Hawaiian women have no problem being almost naked on the beach so why not at a clothing swap. Even at the end of the night April and I swapped slippers by accident. (Hawaiian word for sandals) I was able to swap for three great new swim cover ups, I only had my one from San Fran that R got me when we were dating.

                 Tuesday morning with Corrine ( pictured with all the babes) Taylor and Nakelli

I also have been looking at photography ideas for our upcoming family portraits with the lovely Corrine Gold at whatadayphotography . She was the one I wrote about taking all of our amazing pictures with my mom and sister over the summer.

I read a lot of blogs this week. I see why people only blog for the reading aspect of it. This is exactly why I started blogging, being inspired by others. It is truly so important to me to realize that I circulate through my life patterns. For example, mental and physical cleanses, going through a love for leggings again and again. Why not be more present about our own natures and choose what we circulate, preferably the healthy patterns.

Blogs that I have been following this week have been:

ourheartsourlove Why read? Why the joys and sorrows of being a stay at home mom does not mean you can't have your own identity.

babybukes Why read? This adorably real woman supporting her hubby on his trip to Kenya all while documenting their daughters special moments. Basically precious all the time.

frenchatmosphere Why read? One of the most inspirational decorating sites I have ever come across. I am including magazine sites, simply amazing.

soappixie Why read? I have been looking into honey bee keeping since moving onto our new property. She is a wife and mother to three all while owning her own soap making company and is a bee keeper. REALLY cool!

  I thought this would be something just to throw out there because I don't have all the facts. If you remember me discussing my eye problems at night, where my lid muscles twitch and cut my corneas. Well we found out this week that women who have had an iud as birth control (which I have) are very likely to suffer from severe dry eye and have eye muscle issues. If my symptoms had not started only one month AFTER I had the iud put in I would not take this so seriously. My eyes have been so sensitive since getting my iud, I have weekly abrasions to where I cannot use my eye for at least a day. Needless to say I have an appointment this week to the removal. Oh birth control, we are't on good terms again!