Feeding Forgiveness

We've all felt the consequences of heartache. Sometimes it being from others decisions and sometimes from our own. And we can either feed the pain by ignoring it, telling ourselves we are fine or we can feed our freedom. We already have the right to freedom, it has been given to all of us but it is a choice to live in that freedom. Choosing freedom of the mind rather than being a slave to our own thoughts and actions.

I have recently been diagnosed with chronic dry eyes due to my lack of connective tissue layer to my eyeball. This is genetic and will be a lifelong battle. This can be brought on by strain to the nerves due to stress. I know what you're thinking, " Who cares a little dry eyes, some drops, your'e good right?" I wish. My particular case does not allow me to open my eyes after the tissue has been punctured to a certain point. Which could mean something so basic as me waking up to quickly and squinting my eyes. I have been mostly blind in my left eye for going on my 5th day. It is... awful, at times I feel like I'm a little crazy. And I'm so over walking in to things, asking for things, being thirsty but not wanting to bug Richard.

He has been taking care of our house, the kids, and me all while working from home this week. Pray for this man, he deserves it, and he's done it with such patience. It's a little annoying how calm he is, which is why he needs even more prayer since he has a wife who somehow finds his loveliness something to blog about in a cynical way.

This week I  have had to accept I can't be in control, I have to let the house get messy, I have to hear my kids brake things and go on. Keep napping, keep hugging on them while they ask me why I'm wearing a pirate patch. I have to keep thanking my sweet husband for allowing the dishes to stack up, the kids be mostly naked all day, and every meal consisting of applesauce. If my stress and lack of care for myself has caused me this pain then I have to counteract it by feeding myself and those around me with love and forgiveness.

Feeding my love for them can only help heal my frustration with my health, my control over our home,  my relationships with them all. I think it is so important to allow your children to see your hurt, weak, but also see it is not the end. We are not superhuman, only humans wanting super statuses. Now pass the applesauce!